How to Handle Sibling Rivalry

Although many siblings get on like friends, it’s not unusual for them to fight too. One minute they love each other dearly and the next minute they cannot stand the sight of each other. Usually, sibling rivalry begins when a second child is born and children then begin to complete for attention or even for toys. As a parent, it can be difficult and stressful to watch your children fighting with each other, but it’s about knowing how to know intervene or whether you should intervene at all. There are steps that you can take to help your children to get along with each other and for you to therefore be able to live in a calm, stress free home.

Sibling Rivalry

Quite often rivalry occurs because of competition or jealousy. There are also other reasons ask to why rivalry between siblings occurs. For example:

• Copied Behaviour

The way that we handle issues or disagreements affect the way that our children also handle similar problems. For instance, if the adults in a household resolve a problem in a productive and decent manner, it’s more likely that your children will also behave in a similar way when they have an issue with somebody.

• Personalities

A child’s individual personality is a factor when it comes to rivalry. For example, if one child is easily irritated and another child is more passive, it’s more likely that they will rub each other up the wrong way.

• Different needs

Children react differently to situations depending on their age. For instance, young children, such as toddlers are more protective of their belongings and therefore are reactive if somebody else touches their belongings. On the other hand, older children may not understand why a younger child gets what they see as preferential treatment.

How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry

It is best not to get involved where possible. However, if you can see that there’s a risk of physical harm, then you will need to step it. If you just get involved at any opportunity, your children will rely upon you to always be there for them, to solve their issues.

If you do ever need to get involved, you need to consider these aspects:

1. First of all, separate your children from each other until they have you both calmed down. It is worth giving them time apart from each other, especially if you want to use this opportunity to teach your children about their behaviour.
2. Who is to blame is not a factor that you need to spend a lot of time on. Ultimately, it usually takes two to create a fight and therefore both children need to be held responsible.
3. Try to end the situation by both children gaining something. For example, if your children are fighting over the same toy, perhaps remove the toy and suggest that they play together with something else instead.

How To Help Prevent Sibling Rivalry Going Forward

• You need to make sure that your children understand what behaviour is deemed as acceptable. Make sure your children know that you do not tolerate yelling, door slamming, name calling or fighting. Your children also need to know the consequences of breaking these rules.

• Try to make the effort to give your children one-to-one attention. If one of your children likes to draw, then spend time drawing with them. If another child like to go to the park, then take them to the park.

• Explain to your children that everything is not always equal. For example, a younger child may need more of you time in some instances than an older child.