The 5 Love Languages of Children

The 5 Love Languages of Children

Many are familiar with the book The 5 Love Languages, a book that determines the “language,” with which you communicate in love. One might feel loved when their significant other or friend performs acts of service. For example, having someone help you clean the house, get groceries, or another task that will ease your daily life. What you might not know is that this same author (Gary Chapman) who wrote this book for adults, also wrote one about children, appropriately titled, The 5 Love Languages of Children. Interestingly, the love languages for children are the same as the grown up version, but with child focused explanations. They consist of: physical touch, words affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service. As adults, we speak one or more of these languages in our adult relationships too

Physical Touch

This may seem self explanatory but physical touch is imperative not just for your child’s love language, but also for his/her emotional development.

Examples of physical touch: -Hugs -Hold hands -Active family activities
-Shoulder or head taps -Reading stories together on the couch or with your child on your lap -Shoulder or head taps -Secret handshake -High fives -Head scratches

Words of Affirmation

We all like to hear that we are doing well at something. Kids are no different. It’s important that we use specific words when we are doing this. Instead of saying something generic like, “Good job,” we can say, “I love the way you use green and blue together when you are drawing.”

Quality Time

Quality time matters to kids. “Floor time” is a great way to be intentional about the quality time you are making for your child. Floor time consists of making time everyday for your child. This time should be uninterrupted time where your child is given the opportunity to choose how you spend it. This means that even though you may need to make dinner, having your child help you set the table or chop veggies would not count as “floortime” because it is an activity you picked out as the parent. It is important that your child chooses the activity to do with you. The time should be used as a time where you have little to no distractions and you and your child interact in a meaningful way.

Gifts

This love language is one that can be misunderstood. Some mistake this for materialistic needs, but that couldn’t be further from the meaning of this language. Similar to adults, one might think that this means showering a child with gifts, and while a this may initially get a positive reaction it is important to understand the difference in giving gifts to those who don’t have it as a primary language, and those who do. Those who value this highly receive gifts, and view it in an entirely different way. It speaks to their soul, and the meaning attached to the gift has incredible value to that person. It tells them that they have been thought of and they are cared for because of the gift. The same is true for children!

Acts of Service

The best way to think of this love language is the via the old adage, “Actions speak louder than words.” Showing your child that they matter through what you DO, is the important factor here. Be wary that this does not mean you do everything they want when they want it. Similarly to gifts, this does not meant to spoil the child, but rather seek opportunities where the act of service will have the greatest meaning to the child, and perform that act. An example would be helping your child with getting their things together if they are in a hurry. Of course many Acts of Service depend on the age of your child!