Biting: Why It Is Developmentally Appropriate

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Biting is not only common, but also is a developmentally appropriate behavior for infants, toddlers, and 2-year olds. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t upsetting and stressful for both children and parents! Never fear, many children will outgrow biting as they grow. Until then, we have many ways to prevent and respond to biting, both at home and in the classroom! 

Why do children bite?

Children bite for a variety of reasons. Some of these include: 

• Relieving pain from teething
• Exploring cause and effect (What will happen if I bite?) 
• Gaining a feeling of control
• Seeking attention 
• Acting in self defense 
• Communicating a basic need such as hunger or fatigue
• Communicating  a strong feeling such as anger or frustration 

How do I respond when my child bites? 

While you might feel frustrated with your child, there are appropriate ways to respond to a bite. Consider your child’s age and developmental stage. 

• Infants: It’s not uncommon for an infant to try and bite a caretaker’s skin or a mother’s breast. It is always best to address a bite head-on. Firmly say, “no” or “no biting.” 
• Toddlers and Preschoolers: Toddlers often bite because they are developing strong emotions but lack the language to express them appropriately.  Biting can also be reflexive. While preschoolers bite less often, they also bite to express overwhelming emotions, to seek attention or to defend themselves. When your toddler or preschooler bites, try getting down at the child’s level and speaking firmly. You might say, “No biting. Biting hurts people” or, “You bit me. That really hurt.” Offer the child a choice. They can help the bitten child feel better by getting an ice pack or band aid, or they can take a seat and calm themselves down. Make sure to follow up with a conversation with the child who did the biting. Ask firmly about the events that lead to the bite. Model how the child can express their feelings in the future.  

Responding to Biting: Do’s and Don’ts 

To help discourage biting…

DO: 

• Watch the child closely. What time of day is the biting happening? Where is it happening? What is happening?
• Stay alert. Many children show physical signs that tell you a bite is coming. This might include a clenched fist or preparing to lunge forward.
• Help the child express what they need and how they’re feeling. Prompt him. “Jake, what do you need back from Marcus? How did it make you feel when he took the truck out of your hand?” 
• Celebrate appropriate behavior. Praise the child for using their words appropriately. It’s hard work building social skills! 

DON’T: 

• Label the child as a “biter.” This can affect a child’s self esteem. 
• Bite back. This only reinforces the message that biting is OK.  
• Shame or yell at the child for biting. Consider that they are doing the best that they can with the skills that they have. 
• Give too much attention to a child after they bite. Discuss the situation and then move on. Continuing the conversation is a form of negative reinforcement. It may lead to more biting in the future.
• Punish the child after biting. This doesn’t help the child learn about self control. It is more likely to damage your relationship than to stop the behavior.

References
Anne M. Butler & Michaelene M. Ostrosky, National Association for the Education of Young Children, Reducing Challenging Behaviors During Transitions: Strategies for Early Childhood Educators to Share with Parents, Young Children Vol. 73 No. 4 (September 2018), available at https://www.naeyc.org/resources/pubs/yc/sep2018/reducing-challenging-behaviors-during-transitions